Theodore White "Ted" Quanrud, 70, Bismarck, made his final exit on July 3, 2019.
Ted requested no funeral services be held.
He did not die after a heroic struggle with some ailment like terminal hangnail or chronic dandruff, but from doing too many things that he shouldn't have done too often and for too long despite numerous warnings from members of the medical community. As an erstwhile colleague once said of him: "he's not the sort of man to say 'hold the anchovies."'
Ted was born Jan. 15, 1949, in Bismarck, to Theodore S. and Rebecca McDuff Quanrud, and attended Bismarck schools. As children go, he was relatively normal and quite unexceptional. The latter quality remained with him; the former in the opinion of some did not.
To the astonishment of himself and others, Ted was an Eagle Scout, although he rarely looked like one, but rather resembled the proverbial unmade bed.
He attended Bismarck State College and the University of North Dakota, completing his studies in 1971. Neglecting to apply for a diploma, he did not actually graduate until 1980, when someone advised him that a sheepskin might prove useful (it never did).
For 20 years, Ted worked for The Bismarck Tribune as a reporter, copy editor, chief photographer and editorial page editor. After the paper was sold to a large, faceless corporation, and despite his near total ignorance of farming and ranching, he took the job of public information officer for the state agriculture commissioner. He said he was fortunate to have wonderful colleagues who knew a great deal about agriculture, and all he had to do was cast whatever they said into standard English. He was a longtime member of the Communication Officers of State Departments of Agriculture (yes, there really is such a group), and served as its president in 2002.
Ted's real vocation, although an unpaid one, was as a radio announcer. For more than 35 years, he programmed and hosted classical music programs on Prairie Public Radio, sharing his considerable record collection with anyone who cared to listen.
A lifelong Episcopalian (Rite I, please!), Ted was a lay reader from the age of 14, and served on the church's vestry and as senior warden, a post he was all too happy to relinquish.
Ted leaves his much-loved and long-suffering family, including his brother, Dr. John Quanrud, Meridian, Idaho; his nieces, Catherine and Julia, and his nephew, John. He also leaves many friends he did not deserve, but who loyally put up with his innumerable failings, shortcomings, inconsistencies and peccadillos. He asked that someone please look after his cat, the only creature unwise enough to actually live with him.
He also leaves the following advice: Pour two ounces of London gin (preferably Hendricks or Tanqueray), three-quarters ounce of dry vermouth (French, not Italian) and a drop of orange bitters into an ice-filled cocktail shaker. Shake vigorously and strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Drop in two speared, green olives. Le Chaim!
Epilogue: Ted was predeceased by his cat. A friend commented that Ted’s passing is like a fine library has burned down and all of that knowledge is gone.
(Eastgate/Parkway Funeral Service, Bismarck)