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Help Wanted: Fox to manage chicken coop. Fox must have experience in Republican politics, voter suppression and managing chickens that want transparency. Prefer Fox with disdain for minorities, and capable of living on meals provided by lobbyists. Fox should be proficient on right-wing radio shows and capable of supporting all statements made by President Donald Trump and Sen. Kevin Cramer.

Fox must have good understanding of talking points on guns, abortion and low taxes on oil companies. Fox should be capable of collecting eggs without stealing too many for himself. Excess eggs will be passed on to pigs. Experience as a local right-wing radio host or right-wing basement blogger considered a plus. Fox will have news show called Fox News. Give resume to anyone wearing a red Trump hat.

Mike Quinn, Hazen

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